Leviticus: god’s Bumper Book of Jokes
This is hilarious. I have to share it.
We all know that Leviticus is the chapter in the bible used to justify gay-hating by the church. Here’s a few other things that Leviticus also says good christians should do, courtesy of Peter Bowditch:
“As examples, in Leviticus 20:13, God gets a bit more specific about what should happen to homosexuals when He says: “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them”; in 20:9 there is an instruction that children who curse their parents must be killed (in Deuteronomy 21:18-21, God goes a bit further and orders the death penalty for children who are just disobedient); in 11:6 we are told not to eat hares because they “cheweth the cud” (??); in 11:10 we are prohibited from eating oysters, prawns, lobsters and calamari; in 11:19 we are told not to eat bats (because they are birds!); in 15:19 we are instructed to quarantine menstruating women; in 19:19 we are told not to wear polyester and cotton blend shirts; in 19:27 men are instructed not to trim their beards; in 19:28 tattoos are prohibited; in 24:16 there are explicit instructions to kill blasphemers (including the method of killing); in 25:45-46 we can find the instructions on how to get and keep slaves; and let’s not forget that women are only worth half as much as men (27:3-7). If you don’t obey all these laws to the letter God will have some of your children eaten by your enemies (26:16), some eaten by wild animals (26:22), and you will have to eat the rest yourself (26:29). It’s just as well that God only meant the parts about homosexuals being bad and was joking about the rest, isn’t it?”
Leviticus is also the source of the Jehova’s Witnesses’ belief that you should not accept blood transfusions because it is an abomination to eat blood (17:10-14). Yes, somehow they make the leap that eating blood=blood transfusions (because of course that’s what god must have meant all along). Genius.
Oh, and let’s not forget that you can’t eat four-legged insects (11:22-23). If you can find them, you can’t eat them. Good luck.
For more insanity, check out the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible.