Midweek Cuckoo: Saturday Morning Mind Control

The subject of that old chestnut about ninja turtles being satanic came up in a discussion last week, and we were wondering where the hell these memes spring from. So i did a little googling and discovered a whole subculture of authors whose sole purpose, it seems, is to make sure that little kids have no fun.

Let’s start with Phil Philips, author of Turmoil in the Toy Box and Saturday Morning Mind Control. Phil apparently claims that one day while he was driving, god spoke to him and explained how satan was using toys and tv to subvert the minds of young children. Like the conscientious citizen he is, Phil then went on to create a ministry, the driving force of which is to educate christian parents to the evils of toys, tv, and just about anything else that makes being a kid worth it. Targets of his attention have included:

  • He-Man. This is largely because there is no Master of the Universe but God, that there’s no mention of the Power of Grayskull in the bible and that only through Jesus’ blood do humans have any power. Also Skeletor is obviously meant to be an occult practitioner. And, well, i’m sure he’d try to argue that they’re both gay if he thought it would help.
  • She-Ra. Not to be outdone by her twin brother, she is befriended by an owl that knows everything and is thus obviously a warlock, and her enemy Shadow Weaver is also obviously occult. That hussy. I don’t want to know what Phil thinks about her relationship with her unicorn.
  • Care bears. Uhuh, even those cute cuddly bears who tell us to love our friends and get in touch with our feelings are obviously evil. Because, well, only god can teach us about love.
  • Dungeons and Dragons. Nuff said.
  • The SCA, because they play D&D (??). To quote “The Society for Creative Anachronism is one example of a group of people who have become too involved in the game, to the point of obsession. This nationwide underground war-gaming club is comprised of members who wear medieval clothing-swords, steel helmets and all-and who adopt the lifestyle of their characters, even going so far as to wage live wars on fellow society members“. He thus shows his complete and utter ignorance of the SCA and its activities, but hey, what’s a little thing like facts and truth when you’re waging war on satan?
  • Star Wars. Yoda is a Zen Buddhist (those evil buddhists with their peace and their love and all that satanic crap) who teaches Luke to rely on his own power instead of that of god, and the force is satanic magic anyway.
  • ET the Extra-Terrestrial. Because he resurrects his friend who dies, and only god can do that, and ET isn’t god he’s “a demonic-looking alien”.

You can find a very thorough refutation of Phillips by author Kerr Cuhulain. In fact, Cuhulain has written a massive number of essays on exposing the lies used by christians to attempt to classify magic and/or wicca as satanic, and there are some good reads there.

Website 1Timothy4-13 (“Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine.” ) also has its 2 cents worth, and you can practically see the spittle flecking their article. What is it about fringe crazies that they think bolding, larger font size and alternating colour make their argument look more cogent?

Then there’s David Benoit who established Glory Ministries, and also attempts to educate parents as to how evil witches and satanists are perverting their children’s minds through the media. Books such as Fourteen Things Witches Hope Parents Never Find Out and Who’s Watching the Playpen, Benoit spouts all sorts of nonsense about how satan is perverting our children through cartoons, rock music, and the teaching of evolution in schools. Uhuh.

I couldn’t seem to find anything on the origin of the “turtles are satanic” meme. Anyone?

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