Scientology population increases by one


Katie Holmes gave birth to a healthy baby thetan yesterday, and if all went as planned neither she nor anyone else in the delivery room used any words during the birth. She was allowed to make noise and take drugs, you understand, just not speak any actual words. This is the basis of scientology’s ‘silent birth’ theory, which says that any words spoken during a time of trauma (such as birth) may ‘engram’ the mother and/or child, creating problems later in life. Scientologists are not allowed to speak any words while enduring pain for this same reason, so you can forget about swearing if you’ve just stubbed your toe. You’re doing yourself untold damage.

Anyway, back to the story at hand, Katie gave birth to an apparently human girl who the couple are naming Suri. Is it just me, or is it a bit odd that her name is made up of the middle letters of her surname? Suri Cruise. That’s just retarded.

In a weird coincidence, Brooke Shields gave birth to a healthy baby girl on exactly the same day. Cruise made headlines (and a fool of himself) last year when he criticized Brooke for taking antidepressants to overcome her post-partum depression. I think it would be hi-fucking-larious if Katie developed a little post-natal psychosis of her own – let’s see how Cruise handles that.

3 Responses to “Scientology population increases by one”

  1. the question i have is: are the scientologists going to sue people for selling those? or for buying them? or both?

    i’d probably buy them myself if that couple didn’t creep me out so much.

  2. i think i know what their plan is now: their next child will be named Comet. Then together, Comet and Suri will be an anagram of Tom Cruise!

    It’s brilliant, in a totally ego-maniacal sort of way.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: