Satan’s Little Helper

I tried out the Applied Kinesiology arm pushing trick on Zenstar last night, and it’s so easy i actually got a fright as i effortlessly forced Zen’s arm to his side. Then he did it to me, and even knowing how it’s done i couldn’t feel it being done, if that makes sense. I’m resisting, i’m expecting it, and next thing i know my arm just falls. Its so easy it’s frightening. If you don’t believe me, try it yourself.

Today is the National Day of Prayer in the US. We can thank Dubya for that, he’s the one who declared it. As Lippard Blog points out, the religious love to make a big deal out of praying, and ask people to come out and pray on this day, and quote from the bible to support it. One quote they tend to leave out is Matthew 6:5-7:

“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
“But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
” But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.”

Jesus himself instructs his followers, right before teaching them the Lord’s Prayer, not to pray in public. So much for your prayer rallies, your prayer meetings, your prayer circles. Jesus does not approve.

I have also just read a transcript of the Stephen Colbert speech that has everyone talking – and damn is it funny. Very witty, very accurate, and I can see why Dubya didn’t enjoy it. Unlike his bizarre double-act with his impersonator, I don’t think Bush signed off on Colbert’s speech. I don’t think Tony Snow did either, what with comments like, “Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the President’s side and the Vice President’s side.” Genius. I can also see why the press are only talking about the president’s slapshtick routine with his alter ego, which made him look like a stand-up guy with a sense of humour, and are not mentioning Colbert’s genuinely funny monologue, which makes bush and the press look like the idiots they are.

Oh and apparently i’m a very naughty girl:

Satan’s Lil’ Helper

The results are in, and it appears that you have scored 85%…
Whoa. You’re not just an atheist… you’re an evil atheist! Satan’s Lil’ Helper sees atheism as a good excuse for covering up a whole array of misdemeanours and crimes, because after all, there’s no divine punishment awaiting them when they meet their doom. Whilst not believing in God, Satan’s Lil’ Helper would be ready and waiting to give God a metaphysical wedgie should he ever pop into existence. Keep on sinning, you evil little thing, but just try not to get caught…

The Atheist Test written by chi_the_cynic on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test


4 Responses to “Satan’s Little Helper”

  1. There’s a good piss-take of GB’s useless praying on the Onion.

  2. haha, nice one. I love the usual excuse when prayers don’t work: god answers all our prayers; sometimes the answer is ‘no’.

    yeah, the good old “God’s a shithead” defence.

  3. hey! i’m satan’s little helper too – i was actually surprised, i was CERTAIN some of my answers would bring me out of that. actually, it bother me a bit, because by not believe in god per se, i don’t believe in the devil. although i’d like to. devil’s advocate is one of my favourite movies, as much as i’m disappointed by kevin’s lameness.

  4. oh, and gb’s reaction on youtube is hysterical

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