Evidence that Suri Cruise exists… sort of

Just when you thought that Tom Cruise couldn’t get weirder, the (former) star has apparently had his daughter’s first solid stool bronzed for charity.

I’m in two minds about the truth of this article – on one hand, it reads like something i’d expect to see in the Onion. On the other hand, evidence has shown that Cruise is probably just crazy enough to do something like this. Either way there’s been no comment from Cruise’s camp, so there’s no real proof either way. I won’t be surprised if it’s true, though.

Cruise has withheld all evidence of his daughter’s existence, with not even one photograph being released to the press, and not even one paparazzi managing to snap her, mostly because she doesn’t leave the house. This has lead to speculation that Suri was born deformed. I think the real truth is that Cruise doesn’t want the world to know that he impregnated Katie with an alien.

5 Responses to “Evidence that Suri Cruise exists… sort of”

  1. That was a picture I need not see.

  2. Such a sad waste of a perfectlty good Katie =( If she is ever looking for refuge from the CRAZY, she need only ask =P

  3. somehow i have a feeling that the turd is not actually real, i am afraid to say.
    after all – most baby turds are wet gooey milky dribbles rather than large manly artist sized deposits – as the sculpture would seem to indicate.
    also since normally the wet gooey milky turd is deposited within the confines of a ‘diaper’ or ‘nappy’ then it would have been rather difficult to remove – and would have involved some ‘scraping’ and therefore disfiguration.
    somehow i think the artist’s claim is fraudulent. perchance.

  4. Saw a pic of the kid on some late night show recently, can’t remember which one , but it’s definitely published now… and you may be right Moonflake, there is a major look of Alien about Suri.. Bit then, what can you expect from a dad that Talks regularly to God Hubbard about gaining height.

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