Midweek Cuckoo: John N. Maguire III

John N. Maguire III is someone just begging to be made fun of. He has applied to the JREF million dollar challenge no less than three times, and has been refused each time, largely because he is incapable of following even the most basic of instructions. His first application involved the mysterious ability to cause itching in other people and make lightning strike a tree, and the second involved spirits telling him that the body of a murder victim was under his house and he was in the process of digging it up. The third involved the ability to make an object move with the assistance of one or many ‘gosts’. I seriously recommend reading the entire thread linked to above. It is hilarious.

John’s spelling is atrocious, more so than can possibly be explained by poor typing. Examples are gost, posssessor, telekineesis, astril, incarnaishuns and werld. When asked by the JREF committee to explain what some of these things were, he replied:

I have to spell some words differently, since I wrote about them in a different vibraition, which connected some words in my book to a creator.

I guess that might make sense for mystical words, but really why do words like ‘affadavid’, ‘neede’, ‘lighteniong’, ‘skeptizsm’ and ‘merder’ have to be connected to a creator or written in a different vibration? Unless the vibration… sorry, ‘vibraition’…. he was writing in was actually a physical one, causing him to shake violently, thereby making it extremely difficult to type. I might buy that explanation for a dollar.

John also seems a little confused about nutrition and physiology, judging from this comment left on a post about which drinks are manly to order at a bar:

To call ALCOHOL MANLY IS EVIL. IT TAKES VITAMINS OUT OF YOUR BODY, WHICH DECREASES THE AMOUNT OF MANLY HOROMONES IN THE BODY (LESS TESTERONE).

Yeah, ‘testerone’, very important stuff.

John also believes that the entire catholic church is just a front for gosts from the astril plane to steal the energy of poor humans, through evil preists that are posssesed by these gosts. The catholic heavan is actually hell, a catholic astril plane inhabited by all the souls of the poor saps who fell for the greatest con of all time. According to John:

In world War !!, many German solders went to the Catholic Plane. “I lost 10,000 years.” of life energy that could have kept one alive (keep from reincarnating) for 10,000 years. Is a possible comment from a German solder now in the astral plane.

“You’re completely nuts” is a possible comment from the author of this blog.

John has apparently also written an essay on how fluoride affects the human brain, but it is stored on his site which sadly appears to be unavailable at this time. What a pity, i was so looking forward to reading more of John’s work. It’s really cheering me up after a long, long week.

7 Responses to “Midweek Cuckoo: John N. Maguire III”

  1. Highly entertaining lad, is our John (or would that be Jahoun?) It’s hard to believe he isn’t just taking the piss.

  2. i am speechless. possibly, because i drink too much alcohol and don’t have enough testerone

  3. Lord know, I cannot spell for my life’s sake. But wouldn’t you some BS explaination like Johnny boy.

  4. well, after having a great laugh, i think it’s high time we ban him from the internet. i mean, for his sake. the internet (and all of it’s “information”) is probably not healthy for someone with his “special” (speshul?) abilities… i think maybe that’s what deprived him of his testerone, amongst other things.

    although if he’s running free, maybe we could kidnap him and use him for neurological experiments?

  5. HAHAHAAHA what an excellent for being an idiot: I’m experiencing different vibrations

  6. kyknoord: i would be very disappointed if he were taking the piss, it’s not often one comes across prime midweek cuckoo material.

    dystopia: is that what happened to your beard? Fell out from lack of testerone?

    Babbler: i also think that if you were making a formal request to a committee you’d take the five seconds to run your application through a spell checker.

    totalwaste: be careful trying to catch him, he might make you start itching uncontrollably. Or is that laughing?

    Mr. Angry: yeah, the excuses no one can prove are the best. How about ‘oh I was just channeling the spirit of an idiot at the time’.

  7. Anyone ever read “Finnegans Wake” by James Joyce? The spelling is so atrocious that clearly Mr Joyce must have been nuts. Or how about that crazy dude who said earth moves around the sun…what’s his name…oh yeah, Galileo! Everyone knows the earth is flat and that the sun is what moves in the heavens. I’m glad we have nutjobs like these to keep us entertained.

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