Midweek Cuckoo: Hiroyuki Nishigaki
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s late again, if my bosses weren’t bribing me with this thing they call a ‘salary’, i’d be a lot more upset.
Today’s midweek cuckoo is the author of the most incongruously title book I’ve ever seen. How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? is written by Hiroyuki Nishigaki, and is a fine example of Engrish at its sphincter-puckering best. Some examples:
I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.
In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.
If you don’t know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.
Here’s another one:
Besides shooting out a big blank from your buttock, you can feel as if your root chakra leaked sweet hot mucus.
Just one more:
it can give a good gun or good pliers to man or woman. So, it can sharply decrease the rate of divorce in America
There’s plenty more, plus reviews, on the author’s site. It seems that he is advocating some sort of butt-clenching yoga, a zen art of bowel control. Naturally there’s no medical support for his theories, but it must work really well, because i’ve only read a few excerpts from the book and already i’m feeling quite cheerful.
Go on, admit it, at some point while reading this you clenched your butt.