PZ Myers channels Spider Jerusalem

Anyone who has read Warren Ellis’ Transmetropolitan will appreciate this post by Pharyngula, regarding the possibility of using human cells inserted into cow embryos and gestated in cows to ge around stem cell research bans. Some other people will be very, very upset, but we don’t really care about them.

Don’t terminate the experiment after a few days when you’ve got healthy, growing blastocysts. Slip the best looking ones back into the cow. Work out methods for gestating them in a non-human mammal.

I want to be there nine months later when the vet reaches into the cow’s vagina and pulls out a slick, slimy, healthy human infant.

I want to see the Pope’s head explode when he sees it. I want David Cronenberg there with a camera, cackling happily.

I want the researchers to announce in a press conference afterwards that their successful experiment was funded by the Department of Defense, Sony, the Church of Scientology, and a private donor.

I want that private donor to be Paris Hilton, who, on accepting her cooing new clone baby, declares that she just didn’t want to go through that icky pregnancy and labor stuff. “It isn’t haaawt,” she’d say.

I want the cow to be led away by its owners, ranchers under contract to the McDonald’s corporation. I want it rendered down into 10,000 perfect all-meat patties and distributed randomly throughout the country.

I want Rush Limbaugh to break the news over the radio that the womb mother of Paris Hilton’s clone can be found in Big Macs. I want to see some redneck in a gimme cap at the drive up window try to digest that information as he’s chewing ruminatively at his lunch. “Say whuut?” I think he’d say. I want him to keep on eating.

Bring it on!

(ps midweek cuckoo will be late)


5 Responses to “PZ Myers channels Spider Jerusalem”

  1. OK, I agree, that’s th best possible response to this scenario.

  2. I swear to god, if that happend, Id actually start eating McDonalds.

    I laughed so loud at this one that I think people in the next building heard me.

    And yes I can deffinately see old SJ with his arm disappearing into one freaked out looking cow while grinning like a madman. His filthy assistants in the background kicking the living shit out of the pope whilste Paris is doubled over from a shot to the bowls.

    Set bowl disrupter to Raging Intestinal Volcano.

  3. I can just see Gary Larson doing the dance of happiness right now.

  4. Brilliant, great way to get an early morning snigger out of me 😉

  5. Hm. I find you guys all a bit weird.
    Your humour is so warped it’s off the scale.

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