Midweek Cuckoo: Global Orgasm

No, the title of this post is not a shameful play at getting google hits. Neither, it seems, is the subject.

Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell are experienced players in the World Peace game. They are the founders of Baring Witness, a movement where people get together, don their birthday suits, and spell out messages of peace with their bodies. Now these two hippies have decided that what the world really needs for peace is synchronised global orgasm.

The plan is for every man and woman on earth to literally ‘come together’ for peace on December 22nd, which happens to be a solstice day.

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.

Of course, they have said to do so at a time of your choosing, so I expect that the effect will be somewhat lessened by being spread out over 24 hours due to various time zones. Or not. It’s not as if they have actually quantified the numbers, time period or density required to effect this change. But wait! Right there on the menu there’s a tab that says Science, so this must have some sort of sound theoretical backing.

Sadly, the first thing it contains is a reference to the works of the Global Consciousness Project, a group of shoe-horning cherry pickers who think that global events that seriously affect the human psyche will in turn cause a measurable disturbance in random number generators. They point to their graphs where blips occur near events such as September 11, but carefully ignore similar blips that occur just prior to the same events (psychics, maybe?). They also ignore data for days where no significant global event occured, thereby not establishing any kind of baseline against which they may measure deviations. They are blatantly selecting the data that matches their wishful thinking, and ignoring the data that does not.

Next, they mention Quantum Mechanics, and claim that some sort of Zero Point Quantum field surrounds everything and can be affected by human consciousness. Yet another example of people who don’t personally understand QM assuming that no one else does, so they can just go right ahead and make things up about it.

Of course, the event is going to be measured against the random number generators of the GCP. I predict that they will find a blip on the day, will ignore any similar blips occuring before or after, and will ignore the fact that if this is going on over a 24 hour period the deviation should be spread out over the full period, not occuring in a few small places. I know this, because it has already happened in the future and I’ve tapped into the Zero Point Quantum field.

The only real effect it will have on the world is that a few more people might fall for this kind of hippy bullshit and think that they are making some sort of impact against war. Don’t get me wrong, I admire their sentiments. I’m all for world peace. But I don’t think that indulging in fantasy and delusion on a world wide scale is going to help. They should be looking for real world solutions, like education and diplomacy, instead of running around naked and having sex (which you shouldn’t really need an excuse for). Expecially considering that the most warlike bunch around at the moment already think that their enemies are a bunch of perverted, godless heretics. Not. Helping.

Of course, this is only the first of many Solstice Synchronised Global Orgasm Days, which will occur every year, climaxing (haha) in 2012 when some dead South Americans who never discovered the wheel said that something unspecified might happen.


9 Responses to “Midweek Cuckoo: Global Orgasm”

  1. Damn, and here Bronwen up and decided to go to Namibia for the holidays. I wonder how much change they can get for masturbation. I think I’d feel alot better if my morning wood might actually save the world.

    I think im going to make the world a better place right now.

  2. I am deeply suspicious of hippies and their constant invocation of sex. UI suspect this is the work of ugly losers who try to guilt people into having sex with them: “You’re not in solidarity with the planet if you say no.”

  3. babyacid – we all thank you for your contribution

    Mr Angry – there’s a pickup line. “If you don’t have sex with me, the terrorists win!”

  4. no, actually that one’s true. the more non-terrorist children we produce (ratio-wise) the better. what we need is to baby-factory tree-hugging terrorist-thumpers that are at peace with nature and the world at large but are happy to arm themselves to the teeth before rushing in to reign doom upon those bastards.

    i’m not being sociopathic again, am i?

  5. i dunno, why don’t you try it on some women and see how far you get 😉

  6. i’m envisioning a solid kick to the nethers. i’ll try to convince piles to give it a bash.

  7. a kick to the nethers… what do the dutch have to do with this?

    I guess for you guys, it might be more along the lines of “have sex with me or Hamas wins”. of course, it will only have its full effect if piles does it while in uniform.

  8. lol – i’m including it in our next meeting notes 😛

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