Midweek Cuckoo: Darwin Awards 2006

The Darwin Awards 2006 have been announced, so this week’s Midweek Cuckoo is dedicated to those who have so kindly blessed the rest of us by removing themselves from the gene pool. I believe the other Midweek Cuckoos can learn a lesson from these martyrs.

One of the nominees has previously featured on this blog – the pastor from Gabon who decided that to test his faith he would walk on water. The good pastor must have been very confident in his faith, because he couldn’t swim. His reward was a watery end.

Second Runner Up: (19 March 2006, Belize) Benjamin Franklin reputedly flew his kite in a lightning storm, going on to discover that lightning equals electricity.  However, certain precautions must be taken to avoid sudden electrocution.  Kennon, 26, replicated the conditions of Ben Franklin’s experiment, but without Ben’s sensible safety precautions.  Dennon was flying a kite with a short string that he had extended with a length of thin copper wire.

The copper made contact with a high-tension line, sending a bolt of electrical lightning towards the man.  Just bad luck? Kennon’s father told listeners his son was an electrician, and “should have known better.”  Kennon is survived by his parents,six sisters, and five brothers.

First Runner Up: August brought us a winner from Brazil, who tried to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) by driving back and forth over it with a car. This technique was ineffective, so he escalated to pounding the RPG with a sledgehammer.  The second try worked–in a sense. The explosion proved fatal to one man, six cars, and the repair shop wherein the efforts took place.

14 more RPG grenades were found in a car parked nearby. Police believe the ammunition was being scavenged to sell as scrap metal. If it wasn’t scrap then, it certainly is now!

2006 Darwin Award Winner: (3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara, both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara attended community college, but apparently their education had glossed over the importance of oxygen.

When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream causes a rapid loss of consciousness.  Some euthanasia experts advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one’s life.

The pair pulled down the 8′ balloon, and climbed inside. Their last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.

Sheriff’s deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A family member said “Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked fun and it cost her.

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