Tom Cruise is the Christ of Scientology?
Newspapers around the world today are reporting that scientology’s head honcho (in the temporary absence of L. Ron Hubbard, of course) David Miscavige considers Tom Cruise to be the Christ of Scientology.
A source close to the actor is quoted as saying:
Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Just like Christ, he has been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right, just like Jesus.
The Cruise’s duties as the Chosen One will include spreading the word of Scientology to the world, acting as a prophet for the new religion, and being revered by Scientologists post mortem. Or at least, post mundi, since he will be reincarnated somewhere else in the universe when he dies – which is why Scientologists in the employ of the organisation are required to sign One Billion Year contracts. I’m not joking.
I’m willing to bet that John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Juliette Lewis, Isaac Hayes and Jenna Elfman are already on the phone to Miscavige asking why they don’t get to be the Messiah. I guess they’ll just have to settle for being Apostles… they may only get one chapter in the coming Testaments of the Life of Cruise, but at least compulsary martyrdom can’t be snuck into their contracts. I’m wondering, though, how they’re going to get around the sticky problem of the irrefutable record that Tom Cruise does, in fact, exist as a real person. For him to be anything like Christ, they’d have to get rid of those.