Dutch Reform Church to Check if Satan Exists
The Dutch Reform Church, or Nederduits Gereformeerde Kerk (fondly referred to as the NG Kerk) is a stalwart on the South African, Afrikaans, conservative scene – and as such the source of ongoing amusement. It appears that in their General Synod on Tuesday, a position was brought forward that the actual possession of a human body by evil spirits was nonsense, and the church should distance itself from such spectacular forms of deliverence such as lengthy discussions with devils, exorcism and possession. You know, all the fun stuff.
Naturally some members decided that at the bottom of the slippery slope was the question of the very existence of the devil himself. So the decision was postponed, and the church has appointed a task team to double-check. I can just see it now…
Evil, the final frontier. These are the adventures of the Task Team NGKerk. Its five year mission: to explore strange new sins. To seek out new strife and new desecrations. To boldly go where no priest has gone before.
Can you imagine it? I think Jerry Bruckheimer would direct, with Bruce Willis as the straight-talking, no-nonsense head of the task team, ready to go further, dig deeper, sin more than any priest before in an effort to find the red man behind it all. Armed only with his stoic wit, rugged good looks, and the Bible, the good father will lead his crack team of expert theologians into a world of smite from which they may never return. Angelina Jolie will star as the innocent woman whose apparent possession by a sex-crazed demon spurs our hero onward to discover if Satan really exists, or if his girl is just a big fat whore. Christopher Walken will cameo as Lou Cypher, a dealer in information who might just know the answer to the priest’s question, but who will lead his team on a wild goose chase to hell and back first…
Man, if only real life were like the movies. Then these people might actually be able to justify their existence.
(Tip of the horns to residentRsole and dystopia for alerting me to this within minutes of each other)